How Am I Supposed To Dream With All The Static In My Head?
Devil is flat spinning. Again.
I don’t know if I can do this anymore.
I’ve got so much going on right now and I don’t know if I can cope with it all and on top of it all…my head’s become noisy again.
There's too much static.
Right now I could really use a sanctuary until things settle down and my head calms down…but as we all know…my head never calms down and there’s really not anywhere that I can go at this time of the night.
--------------------
I’m trying to do one of the assignments for the Diploma of Business that I want to finish by the end of the year but I can’t seem to answer any of the questions. The questions aren’t that difficult…but for some fucking reason my brain won’t function properly.
On top of that, I still need to write up an abstract for another conference which is due in two weeks as well as create a presentation for the paper that got accepted at the regional conference.
I’m trying to look for cars that I’d like to buy because things are getting complicated here in the Underworld because I still don’t have a car.
--------------------
(N) [henceforth known as The Live Wire] has been pissing me off lately.
Sure it was fun at the beginning while we were getting to know each other. I didn’t mind them calling me up late at night for a week or two…but I’ve had enough now.
They called me on Thursday night when I was trying to write the conference paper abstract and wanted to have a large-scale conversation. I told them SPECIFICALLY that I was working on the abstract AND that the deadline was the next day.
They STILL wanted to talk to me about shit like how their week has been going and what they were going to do on the weekend.
I didn’t know how to explain it in fewer words except for: I'M BUSY.
I’m hoping they get the hint...but DAMN IT...it's complicated.
When they call me up, I don't want to talk to them and when I'm around them...I keep wishing that I wasn't and when I don't hear from them...I wonder what they're doing and when I'm going to see or hear from them again.
It's all too fucking complicated!
--------------------
It’s been a long time since I’ve had any alcohol in my blood stream and I think that my addictions have manifested in another way.
I think I’ve become addicted to exercise. Being addicted to exercise IS one of the better addictions to have, but exercise definitely has an impact on my mood. I’ve just tried to take a step back from everything and looking though my previous blogs…my moods have been severely influenced by my exercise.
I experience withdrawal symptoms and bouts of depression if I don’t have any exercise. I’m experiencing it right now. I didn’t do any exercise today at all and as I’m sitting here right now I’m wishing that I was at the climbing gym instead. My hands are still torn and sore from climbing last night…but that doesn’t bother me. That’s a pain I can deal with. That’s a pain I can cope with.
I need to change my ways.
I need to do something on a Saturday. Maybe I should go for a run on Saturdays in addition to a weight training component. I'm addicted to the endorphins...and the addictions need to be fed.
--------------------
I don’t know what to do right now despite the efforts of The Ferryman. He had asked me earlier this evening if I wanted to hang out with him tonight but I declined citing a number of reasons, one of which was that my head was too fucked up. The SMS he sent back showed both his understanding of what I’m like without trying to be overly involved:
I’m flat spinning-again.
But I fight my own fights.
I don’t know if I can do this anymore.
I’ve got so much going on right now and I don’t know if I can cope with it all and on top of it all…my head’s become noisy again.
There's too much static.
Right now I could really use a sanctuary until things settle down and my head calms down…but as we all know…my head never calms down and there’s really not anywhere that I can go at this time of the night.
--------------------
I’m trying to do one of the assignments for the Diploma of Business that I want to finish by the end of the year but I can’t seem to answer any of the questions. The questions aren’t that difficult…but for some fucking reason my brain won’t function properly.
On top of that, I still need to write up an abstract for another conference which is due in two weeks as well as create a presentation for the paper that got accepted at the regional conference.
I’m trying to look for cars that I’d like to buy because things are getting complicated here in the Underworld because I still don’t have a car.
--------------------
(N) [henceforth known as The Live Wire] has been pissing me off lately.
Sure it was fun at the beginning while we were getting to know each other. I didn’t mind them calling me up late at night for a week or two…but I’ve had enough now.
They called me on Thursday night when I was trying to write the conference paper abstract and wanted to have a large-scale conversation. I told them SPECIFICALLY that I was working on the abstract AND that the deadline was the next day.
They STILL wanted to talk to me about shit like how their week has been going and what they were going to do on the weekend.
I didn’t know how to explain it in fewer words except for: I'M BUSY.
I’m hoping they get the hint...but DAMN IT...it's complicated.
When they call me up, I don't want to talk to them and when I'm around them...I keep wishing that I wasn't and when I don't hear from them...I wonder what they're doing and when I'm going to see or hear from them again.
It's all too fucking complicated!
--------------------
It’s been a long time since I’ve had any alcohol in my blood stream and I think that my addictions have manifested in another way.
I think I’ve become addicted to exercise. Being addicted to exercise IS one of the better addictions to have, but exercise definitely has an impact on my mood. I’ve just tried to take a step back from everything and looking though my previous blogs…my moods have been severely influenced by my exercise.
I experience withdrawal symptoms and bouts of depression if I don’t have any exercise. I’m experiencing it right now. I didn’t do any exercise today at all and as I’m sitting here right now I’m wishing that I was at the climbing gym instead. My hands are still torn and sore from climbing last night…but that doesn’t bother me. That’s a pain I can deal with. That’s a pain I can cope with.
I need to change my ways.
I need to do something on a Saturday. Maybe I should go for a run on Saturdays in addition to a weight training component. I'm addicted to the endorphins...and the addictions need to be fed.
--------------------
I don’t know what to do right now despite the efforts of The Ferryman. He had asked me earlier this evening if I wanted to hang out with him tonight but I declined citing a number of reasons, one of which was that my head was too fucked up. The SMS he sent back showed both his understanding of what I’m like without trying to be overly involved:
“This may be an exercise in futility, but if you wanna talk…yeah, yeah you never want help etc. But if you decide you wanna talk.”
I’m flat spinning-again.
But I fight my own fights.
Devil's Winamp: Jennifer Love Hewitt - How Do I Deal
Devil's Mood : Fragmented / Confused / Doubtful / Flat-Spinning
Character Profile
[The Live Wire]
- Used to work behind the bar of a nightclub within the Nightlife district.
- Was introduced to me by a mutual acquaintance.
- Was officially met at the Bubble Party.
- Is a great dancer and has a great body to go along with it.
- Is prone to temperamental outbursts [hence their name].
posted by Devil's Advocate at 16.6.07
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