Or Am I Standing Still, With The Scenery Flying By? Or Am I Standing Still, Out Of The Corner Of My Eye? Was That You Passing Me By?
Devil is feeling a bit down at the moment...and it's all because of this girl.
About a week or so ago, she sent a message on Facebook to myself and about 3 others to let us know about the offer that she had received from the national circus institute. They wanted to train her and she was hesitant about accepting their offer.
She's absolutely amazing and I can't understand how someone as beautiful and smart and perfect as her could have any doubts about her abilities. I was helping her by filming some of the audition requirements and even looking through the camera...I couldn't see how the institute couldn't accept her. She's a perfect candidate for their institute. An investment. She's amazing and I'm so very proud of her and all the hard work that she's put into it. Hours, days, months and years of hard work.
She had asked the select group of us on our opinions as to what she should do...and I was torn. On the one hand...I didn't want her to go to the institute. Accepting that offer would mean that she would have to relocate to the other side of the country and I guess I kinda hoped that there would be an opportunity (however slim that may be) for me to get the courage to tell her how I feel about her.
But in the same instance, if she stayed, she would have been extremely unhappy and unfulfilled with the things she was doing and I had no right to hold her back from her dreams. I can't convey how mixed I feel about it all. Yes, I want her to go and follow her dreams but at the same time I'm a bit jealous of the opportunity that she now has...and I guess I also wanted her to stay because once she leaves...it would mean that any hope that I had would also leave with her.
*sigh*
Tonight I received a FaceBook message from her saying that she was having a small gathering (of about 6 people) as her going away party. I'm genuinely honoured to be included in that small group of 6 people and again...I'm happy and proud of her for the opportunity that she's been given...but at the same time, I'm devastated that she's leaving because I lose all hope for any chance for me to say anything to her.
Not that I ever would. I don't think she sees me that way...and girls like her deserve the model boyfriends with the good looks and successful career who walk down the red carpet at any event in the city and are always at parties because they're part of the "in-crowd".
Her going away party is tomorrow (Tuesday) night. Ironically enough, last week I had asked my boss for thisi Wednesday and Thursday off work. I guess this is Karma's way of letting me know that she's still in charge. Having the Wednesday off means that I can go to her going away party...and I'll be attending. I don't know what I'm going to achieve from going and it'll probably hurt me more to know that she's going and have to say goodbye than if I did it via a faceless Facebook message.
*sigh*
What little time I've managed to spend with her and talk to her in the past...she's probably the only person that I've ever met that's fully understood what my life is like. She does everything that I do...except better. We always seem to be passing each other by as we go about our lives but I guess that's why it's been so 'perfect'. We've both had our own little worlds to live in...only ever making small steps into the world of the other.
*sigh*
She's so amazingly beautiful, focused, talented girl I ever met and she's also well out of my league.
Which is why I can't fully understand why I feel so attached to her when I hardly even have anything to do with her on a day-to-day basis. We'd maybe exchange messages on Facebook every 3 months or so...but for some reason I feel more invested in her leaving that I should...and I'm trying to figure out why.
*sigh*
I know that I have no right to try and convince her to stay when I know that she'll be happiest at the national circus institute...it's just that I can't help but wanting to hold on to that little bit of hope...but I know I can't.
I guess I understand what they mean when they say: "if you love something, set it free."
About a week or so ago, she sent a message on Facebook to myself and about 3 others to let us know about the offer that she had received from the national circus institute. They wanted to train her and she was hesitant about accepting their offer.
She's absolutely amazing and I can't understand how someone as beautiful and smart and perfect as her could have any doubts about her abilities. I was helping her by filming some of the audition requirements and even looking through the camera...I couldn't see how the institute couldn't accept her. She's a perfect candidate for their institute. An investment. She's amazing and I'm so very proud of her and all the hard work that she's put into it. Hours, days, months and years of hard work.
She had asked the select group of us on our opinions as to what she should do...and I was torn. On the one hand...I didn't want her to go to the institute. Accepting that offer would mean that she would have to relocate to the other side of the country and I guess I kinda hoped that there would be an opportunity (however slim that may be) for me to get the courage to tell her how I feel about her.
But in the same instance, if she stayed, she would have been extremely unhappy and unfulfilled with the things she was doing and I had no right to hold her back from her dreams. I can't convey how mixed I feel about it all. Yes, I want her to go and follow her dreams but at the same time I'm a bit jealous of the opportunity that she now has...and I guess I also wanted her to stay because once she leaves...it would mean that any hope that I had would also leave with her.
*sigh*
Tonight I received a FaceBook message from her saying that she was having a small gathering (of about 6 people) as her going away party. I'm genuinely honoured to be included in that small group of 6 people and again...I'm happy and proud of her for the opportunity that she's been given...but at the same time, I'm devastated that she's leaving because I lose all hope for any chance for me to say anything to her.
Not that I ever would. I don't think she sees me that way...and girls like her deserve the model boyfriends with the good looks and successful career who walk down the red carpet at any event in the city and are always at parties because they're part of the "in-crowd".
Her going away party is tomorrow (Tuesday) night. Ironically enough, last week I had asked my boss for thisi Wednesday and Thursday off work. I guess this is Karma's way of letting me know that she's still in charge. Having the Wednesday off means that I can go to her going away party...and I'll be attending. I don't know what I'm going to achieve from going and it'll probably hurt me more to know that she's going and have to say goodbye than if I did it via a faceless Facebook message.
*sigh*
What little time I've managed to spend with her and talk to her in the past...she's probably the only person that I've ever met that's fully understood what my life is like. She does everything that I do...except better. We always seem to be passing each other by as we go about our lives but I guess that's why it's been so 'perfect'. We've both had our own little worlds to live in...only ever making small steps into the world of the other.
*sigh*
She's so amazingly beautiful, focused, talented girl I ever met and she's also well out of my league.
Which is why I can't fully understand why I feel so attached to her when I hardly even have anything to do with her on a day-to-day basis. We'd maybe exchange messages on Facebook every 3 months or so...but for some reason I feel more invested in her leaving that I should...and I'm trying to figure out why.
*sigh*
I know that I have no right to try and convince her to stay when I know that she'll be happiest at the national circus institute...it's just that I can't help but wanting to hold on to that little bit of hope...but I know I can't.
I guess I understand what they mean when they say: "if you love something, set it free."
Devil's Winamp: Jewel - Standing Still
Devil's Mood : Sad / Lovelorn
posted by Devil's Advocate at 14.12.09
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